Thursday, March 31, 2005

The Big "O"

Yesterday I took a big step. I changed my permanent address.

Since moving into Jason's house, I've had my mail forwarded from my old address (the condo that I currently rent to tenants). I've been doing this since October. Why, you may ask? Search me.

When I decided to move out of my condo, Jason and I weren't ready to move in together, so I got a shared accomodation. I paid rent to my SA for two months and didn't sleep there a single night. Ridiculous! Jason asked me to move in to see if we could make a go of things, to see if we were ready to start a life together. Both of us knew that we would be fine cohabitating, we get along like a house on fire. But there were some doubts. Jason was still recovering from the death of his wife. I was still having problems believing that the rug wasn't going to be pulled out from underneath me - leftover issues from a past breakup. So both of us were skating carefully on what we perceived as thin ice.

But we are strong together, we make each other smile. And that seems to have gotten us through a lot of really hard times. We didn't need to worry about being so careful with each other, for some reason we just "work". I no longer worry that I will wake up one morning and my world will be turned upside down.

And so yesterday I had an epiphany. Instead of thinking of things in terms of me and you, I started thinking about we. OURS. That was my big "O".

A couple of times, I've heard myself say it. While financially, it is Jason's house, it is our home. When I take Bella out for a walk, I feel like she is my dog too. I even think of the truck as ours, even though I stalled it 6 times the last time I tried to drive it (damned stick shift).

Strange. This has never been such a big thing for me. In my past long-term relationships (and trust me, I've had more than I care to admit!) I've always been the first to open the joint account, pick out furniture... hell, I've even signed a mortgage and bought a vehicle with someone. But this feels different and I can't explain why.

But it's a good different. That much I know.

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