Saturday, February 9, 2008


Well, I finally splurged on some Paige designer maternity jeans... I did buy them on consignment, in my own defense! So instead of $285, I spent $100 - that means I will have to re-consign them after since I can't really justify the cost...

Well, other than the HOT BOOTY ACTION they provide!

These jeans make me feel like a million bucks! And I didn't have to hem them!


In other news, antibiotics have started to clear up my 2+ week battle with sinus infection... that and the NETI-pot, truly disgusting, but definitely effective. Life is almost normal!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008


My husband is an angel - or an 'ohhn-jah' as Carmen would say, when describing her Christmas jammies or the snow-angels that Peter makes in 'The Snowy Day'. He is on a date with Carmen at Grandpa's house, to give me the house to myself... to mope, sulk, wheeze in peace.

I am ill. Dreadfully, pathetically ill. Can't breathe through my nose, can't wear glasses because they are too heavy on my face. I've peed myself about 10 times today (yes, I'll admit it) because my pelvic floor can't withstand the force of my phlegmy coughing. My ears feel like someone is driving bamboo skewers into them. I've had one or two good cries today. A little self-indulgent, but I was feeling really sorry for myself because I can't take any drugs due to this (not-so-little) guy...

I've cancelled my classes today and tomorrow, which is a lot of work in itself. Taking care of Carmen is nearly impossible. Today I placated her with Playdough and hot chocolate. I feel so bad for her and Bella, trapped inside all day while the pristine white of fresh snow decorated the front yard.

And now it is raining all that fun away. Maybe it is just a dream, like Peter in 'The Snowy Day'. Maybe we will wake up to a winter wonderland again...

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Week 15

This pregnancy is whizzing past.

I bought a set of newborn cloth dipes to complement my existing set so I can use them right from the start. With Carmen, they didn't fit until 8 weeks and by then I was absolutely disgusted with disposables. These dipes are teeny tiny ones and just handling them brought me back to when Carmen was still a tiny handful under 6lbs. So small.

I can't believe we're doing this again. And it's all passing by so quickly! I haven't even taken a single belly shot yet - not ONE. Instead of excitedly going shopping for maternity clothes for my already popped-out belly, I just grab something oversize and frumpy since my sister reclaimed the mat clothes I used last time. Instead of poring over labels to make sure I am getting the right amount of calories and iron, I eat frozen perogies when I get a chance while running after my crazy active toddler.

So this weekend I decided to make a change. Went for a massage with my amazing RMT, got my hair cut and highlighted, and tomorrow I meet with my Mama Renew group for the second time to talk about self-care. Watching what I eat. Remembering to take my vitamins. Heck, maybe I'll even pull out the camera for a belly shot or two.

I remember in my first pregnancy thinking it was so hard, and that it was those 40 weeks that would be the hardest. Then Carmen arrived and I learned quickly that pregnancy is child's play compared to some of the hurdles of being a new mom! So now I am FREAKING OUT that while this pregnancy has been somewhat tiresome with running after Carmen, that being a mom of two is going to be impossibly exhausting!!!! Arg.

I have to remind myself to slow down and enjoy this. I have to give myself pep talks that it's going to be all right once this babe enters the world to join her big sis. I have to be careful not to over-extend. Supermom can wait.

The second trimester has brought wonderful things. Sleep! Appetite! ENERGY! Teaching 6 classes a week between prenatal and postnatal fitness has been draining during my first trimester, but I am looking forward to a month off and a reduced schedule in January. I finally found a few people I feel comfortable contracting some classes to, and new facilities that I don't have to lug equipment around.

And for my birthday from my sis-in-law, I just got three months of someone coming in to clean my house!! MY HOUSE! Starting Monday! I am on cloud nine!

Now maybe I'll have time to buy a few shirts that cover my belly.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

The Master List

I figure I should capture this somewhere!!

Words Carmen can say:

1. Walrus
2. Purple, Blue, Green, Red, Orange, Yellow
3. Blueberries
4. Cheese
5. Please
6. Trees
7. One Two Three
8. Baby Beluga
9. Happy
10. Hippo
11. Dino(saur)
12. Cracker
13. Cookie
14. Pancakes (CANCakes!)
15. Mommy, Daddy, Bella, Baby, Callie
16. Strawberries (sounds an awful lot like blueberries...)
17. Apple
18. Bubbles
19. Puppy
20. Doggy
21. (Ba)nanas
22. Chocolate
23. Toast
24. Pee pee/poo poo
25. More!
26. Shoes
27. Eyes, Nose, Boobies, Chin, Elbow, Armpit, Arm, Toes, BUM BUM
28. Puffin
29. Muffin
30. Coffee
31. Call Me!
32. Damnit!
32. Enough!
33. NO
34. Kitty
35. Almost
36. Firetruck
37. Throw Ball
38. Cold
39. Water
40. Juice
41. Hummous
42. Owee, Bonk

Body Parts She Knows:

1. Eyes
2. Nose
3. Mouth
4. Cheek
5. Chin
6. Ears
7. Hair
8. Head
9. Arm/Armpit
10. Leg/Knee
11. Hands/Fingers
12. Feet/Toes
13. Boobies, Pee Pee (you know, all the scientific terms...)
14. Belly/bellybutton
15. Elbow

Sounds Carmen can make:

1. Cow Mooing
2. Chicken Clucking
3. Duck Quacking
4. Elephant Trumpeting
5. Sheep Baaing
6. Pig Snorting (sorta)
7. Bear/Lion/Tiger/Dinosaur/etc Roaring
8. Cat Meowing
9. Monkey Oo-oo-oo'ing
10. Dog Barking (obviously)
11. Crow Cawing
12. Wolf Howling
13. Owl Hooting
14. Fish blowing bubbles

Signs Carmen Still Uses:
1. Milk
2. Water (sticks her tongue in and out!)
3. More
4. Please

Obviously I'm forgetting a bunch. I'll have to keep editing this list...

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Month Eighteen - Independence

Well it's been a whole year and a half. I see pictures of myself pregnant, pictures of Carmen as a newborn and it seems lightyears away. All of a sudden my teeny tiny baby is walking around, chatting, feeding herself, going up and down the stairs, singing... what is next, college?

Seriously. She is growing into a little girl right before my eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop it. At the same time, I am 'hurrah-ing' her newfound independence - she puts on her toque and brings me my shoes when she wants to go outside for a walk. She pitches a fit if we go past the playground without stopping. Every meal is a battle of wills - who will crack first? She is getting pretty good at pressing my buttons too. I can't decide which is more frustrating, the fact that she knows HOW to push my buttons, or the way I react? Time to do a little growing up myself!

Carmen is teaching her baby to potty train. She says "Baby, Pee Pee!" and we go into the bathroom, take the pants off the dolly and sit her down. I ask Carmen to get some paper for the baby (Mommy says only one piece, please!!!) and when she turns around, I grab a waterbottle sneakily and put a generous squirt of water into the potty! Then she turns around, excitedly wipes the baby and then grabs her savagely by the arm, throws her to the ground and exclaims "PEE PEE!!!" Then we flush the 'pee pee' (Bye-bye Pee Pee!), wash the baby's hands and put her pants back on. There are always plenty of kisses for the good baby!

We also feed the baby, put the baby to bed and walk the baby around in the stroller. I was pretty unprepared for her attachment to this poor little doll, who gets dragged all over the place, covered in food and dog hair, and manhandled repeatedly. I keep trucks and blocks and all sorts of other toys around, but she LOVES that baby.

And colours. She will lie on the ground with a pad of paper in front of her and her Crayola washable markers forever! She has figured out how to turn on the stereo and will start a CD and dance around. Jason and I never really went crazy with the child-proofing and so Carmen is really good at reprogramming our phone, getting dogfood for Bella and feeding it to her, kernel by kernal, as well as spreading the contents of my makeup kit all over the upstairs. I will often find her with my cell phone, bleeping away on the keypad and then talking to her peeps. It's pretty hard not to laugh!

I can't believe we are doing this all over again. I am pregnant again - 10 weeks and counting! I revisit my old blog posts from my first pregnancy and realize how much more quickly this one seems to be going by. I don't know if my baby is a chickpea or a grape this week! I don't know if he/she has eyelids. I just don't have TIME! And the reality of caring for a toddler, teaching my classes and getting through the first trimester nausea and fatigue is staggering. But we are SO HAPPY to have another, so happy that we will have a real baby for Carmen to help take care of, and so happy that we are able to give her a chance to be an older sibling, the same way we both were in our families. So yeah, life is good!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Month Fifteen - It's been ONE WEEK

It's been one week since Carmen nursed for the last time...

I never thought I'd be one of "those moms" - I remember when I was pregnant that I was really looking forward to breastfeeding for the requisite 12 months and thinking that people that breastfed for longer than that were kinda weird. I remember watching moms whose babies would reach into their shirts, thinking that babies that could ask for it, or would go after it themselves, were too old to continue breastfeeding. Even as a nudie myself, I remember thinking that breastfeeding in public without a a blanket over your breast was a bit exhibitionist. I remember knowing everything and being the perfect mother - before I became one.

I remember thinking about my breasts as they grew during my pregnancy. I was shocked at the way my nipples became bullseyes on my chest! I worried about stretch marks. I freaked out when my nipples leaked colostrum. I wondered if my breasts would ever look the same again.

But then I had Carmen. The first thing she did was squirm and struggle towards my breast and she latched on so hungrily, I was amazed that something so small could suck so hard! At the same time, a delicious sensation washed over me - I never thought breastfeeding would be *delicious*. The first time I felt my milk let down, I grabbed my breasts in pain and hugged them to my chest. And then the milk flowed in generous streams and I was amazed that my body was capable of such a feat. When Carmen cried, my letdown occurred almost instantly - the physical connection that I thought ended with my pregnancy continued as Carmen flourished outside my womb. I never read about this in books.

I never thought the Mama Bear inside me would emerge with such a vengeance. While my husband said "Sure, you can hold her", I thought frantically "LET GO OF MY BABY!!!" I began having intrusive thoughts about practically everything - imagining how I could throw my body in front of hers or turn the car just so to avoid her being hit. I made everything that went into her mouth from scratch - organic, pure, healthy... she ate better than Jason and I. I would do anything in my power to make sure she had the best.

As she's gotten older, I have relaxed my stranglehold on motherhood. I am comfortable leaving her in the care of others. I don't fret if the dog french-kisses her or if the sippy cup is coated in dog hair. The five-second rule has become the five-minute rule.

BUT. But I continued to breastfeed her past that 12 month mark. I never worried if she didn't eat every piece of avocado or every chickpea because I knew I was helping to sustain her. I was giving her the calcium from my bones. I was jump-starting her immune system.

I healed her bonks on the head with a few sips from my breast. I comforted her with my milk as she drifted to sleep. I thought nothing of popping my boob out, wherever and whenever Carmen needed it. I revelled in the skin-on-skin contact we shared in the bathtub when she would see both nipples at once and have a hard time choosing between the two! I shared something with her that nobody else could. I was her number one.

And just like one of "those moms", I secretly relished the way she would reach down into my shirt, much like a greeting! I loved when she signed for milk in times of distress. I loved the way she nursed to sleep without a problem. I loved the way I could nurse her in the lineup at the Sun Run, or over coffee with a friend, without skipping a beat.

And now... now it's over. It was a choice we both made. Hers, because she is becoming so independant. Mine, so that I can get pregnant again. My only consolation is that pregnancy might allow me to do it all again. That, and her recent need for kisses and hugs - maybe she is missing and craving the same closeness that I am?

My breasts ache. Carmen accidentally kicks me while we play and I reel in pain. In the shower, I knead them to relieve the pressure and small jets of milk escape. Although painful, I want to feel my letdown so badly, but to no avail. Each day my milk becomes less and less. I never knew that the last time she nursed would be "THE LAST TIME SHE NURSED". Like, somehow I would have captured every nuance in my brain and recorded it for those times when she becomes a teenager and tells me she hates me, or that I embarrass her. Now she signs for milk, but it's for the sippy cup that she drinks from with reckless abandon!

I know this is a stepping stone that I have to go through. I just never thought it would be so hard.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Month Thirteen and Fourteen - Time is Precious!

Well I hoped to be able to continue my monthly updates, but it just seems like we are always on the go! To the dog park, to the playground, to Stroller Fitness, to sleep!

Most things take longer these days, mostly because my baby is no longer a baby - she is a girl! An individual, an independant soul, a little fairy spreading her pixie dust and laughter all over the house like confetti. I can no longer feed her bits of banana, this girl wants to do everything by herself! That includes diaper changes, baths, getting dressed, snapping the buckle on the carseat and nursing!

Oh yes, the nursing. Ah, I remember the foolish post a while back about weaning. WEANING! HAHAHA! Not if Carmen can help it! Carmen's nursing has taken on a whole new, and acrobatic, dimension. She headstands, faceplants, downward-dogs and battering rams into my poor breasts. She flits from one side to the other capriciously, pulls away and smacks her lips, nuzzles some more, twiddles my nipples, crawls around and then comes back again. I am her jungle gym, her activity mat with refreshments. It is hilarious and aggravating at the same time! Nighttimes are the best time - the only time I can hold her in my arms for more than two seconds to nurse properly. But then the dog barks. Or Jason comes upstairs. Or the phone rings. Any small diversion and she is arching her back, trying to escape my lap to see what the hubbub is about! But if I decide enough is enough, she is either screaming in her crib, or back a few minutes later to nibble on my shoulder - the international sign for "I'm HUNGRY"...

Signing. I took a signing course. I sign to her all the time. I swear that at one point she was signing back "milk" but I must have been dreaming! Carmen has invented her own form of sign language. Biting my shoulder for milk. Arching her back and screaming for "I don't want ". Stink fumes wafting from her butt for "I just filled my dipes". Smacking the edge of the bed to call the dog.

But she does clap and wave. So maybe all hope is not lost. I'll keep trying.

I've been feeling the need to "let go" a bit. While I still make homemade organic meals for Carmen, it's okay if someone feeds her a Kraft Cheese Slice. It's okay if she is covered in dog hair for a good portion of the day. It's okay if I drink a beer while she's nursing (!), or if I let her taste a bit of chocolate. It's okay if she throws her food off the highchair table down to the dog...

Well, so long as the bowl isn't included next time...

I've been going out and doing a lot more fun things - most recently, three of my former clients with older babes showed up at my doorstep and (thank god) kidnapped Carmen and I to take over the Foundation for beer and natchos! The girls happily cruised around the (probably filthy) retro furniture while we ladies shared a pitcher and dove into a giant plate of natchos! Fun for all the girls! Jason and I have been active more, on walks and runs and to the doggy beach.

Maybe subconciously it's because Jason and I have officially pulled the goalie and are thinking about baby #2. Carmen enjoys other kids so much that I can't imagine her not having siblings. It's a scary prospect though when I think about how much our lives changed with just one! It seems that people are divided in their reactions - either we're crazy, or not crazy. Hmph. In any case, I feel like I need to live it up a bit, before I get pregnant again and give up my body to another lil'un for a few years.