The Big "O"

Yesterday I took a big step. I changed my permanent address.



Since moving into Jason's house, I've had my mail forwarded from my old address (the condo that I currently rent to tenants). I've been doing this since October. Why, you may ask? Search me.



When I decided to move out of my condo, Jason and I weren't ready to move in together, so I got a shared accomodation. I paid rent to my SA for two months and didn't sleep there a single night. Ridiculous! Jason asked me to move in to see if we could make a go of things, to see if we were ready to start a life together. Both of us knew that we would be fine cohabitating, we get along like a house on fire. But there were some doubts. Jason was still recovering from the death of his wife. I was still having problems believing that the rug wasn't going to be pulled out from underneath me - leftover issues from a past breakup. So both of us were skating carefully on what we perceived as thin ice.



But we are strong together, we make each other smile. And that seems to have gotten us through a lot of really hard times. We didn't need to worry about being so careful with each other, for some reason we just "work". I no longer worry that I will wake up one morning and my world will be turned upside down.



And so yesterday I had an epiphany. Instead of thinking of things in terms of me and you, I started thinking about we. OURS. That was my big "O".



A couple of times, I've heard myself say it. While financially, it is Jason's house, it is our home. When I take Bella out for a walk, I feel like she is my dog too. I even think of the truck as ours, even though I stalled it 6 times the last time I tried to drive it (damned stick shift).



Strange. This has never been such a big thing for me. In my past long-term relationships (and trust me, I've had more than I care to admit!) I've always been the first to open the joint account, pick out furniture... hell, I've even signed a mortgage and bought a vehicle with someone. But this feels different and I can't explain why.



But it's a good different. That much I know.

And I ran... I ran so far away...

Yay, running!



This morning in my physiotherapist's gym, I ran for the first time in 3 weeks! I ran for 4 minutes!



Yes, I know... it doesn't sound like much. And I even had to ICE afterwards. But damn, it felt GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.



I'm pretty sure that I won't be doing the 1/2 Ironman anymore, but at least I can check out the course while Jason does it this year. In fact, he signed up for a full Ironman in September. Maybe I will sign up for that 1/2?



In other news, this weekend Jason and I travelled to Port Alberni to see my sister's rapidly expanding waistline... AKA the first grandchild to my parents, great-grandchild to my grandparents, and neice/nephew to me and my brother. It's pretty wild to put your hands on her tummy and feel that baby kicking around. June will be an interesting month!



We went for a 35k road ride yesterday early in the morning, uninterrupted by cars, other riders, or intersections. It was so peaceful! I remember how I used to bike out to see my friends on my yellow bike with the banana seat, front basket and streamers trailing from the handlebars. It was 5k out to my old elementary school, and I think of how far that used to seem! Riding out there now takes minutes instead of hours.

Working from home...

Bella mooning the camera - I'm laughing so hard I look like I'm in pain! Pic by Nutmilk

This is what happens when I work from home... I drink copious amounts of Earl Grey tea, eat half of a 70% dark chocolate bar and play with my blog.

In two days I am going to my hometown, Port Alberni, to watch my carnivorous family eat turkey and ham and see my sister. She is seven months pregnant and I haven't seen her yet. Apparently she is 3ft around! Anyhow, I'm sure I will leave, rubbing my tummy despondently. That always happens when I'm around babies or pregnant ladies. Sigh.

Okay, back to work.

Jason, Bella and I - pic by Nutmilk! 

Feel like Pythons, look like Pipe Cleaners

My arms.



They hurt.



I decided on Saturday to see if Andrea, Jason's sister, would like to join me on my Sunday training bike ride. Sunday morning looked dismal and Andrea asked instead if I wanted to join her at "the Club" for a workout. Jason's dad and Andrea both belong to the Arbutus Club in Vancouver, quite posh! So I jumped at the chance, just to see what the big hub-bub is about.



Well the towel service, the skating and curling rinks, the weight room... fairly impressive. I have to say though that my own little YWCA downtown is a lot newer, with better cardio equipment and class selection. No restaurant though, no tennis courts either. I guess that's what $1500 a year will get you. Ouch!



Anyhow Andrea is a former forest fire fighter. She's 165lbs of muscle that can kick my ass from here 'till Sunday. That being said, I tend to get a little competitive in the gym which is why I usually work out by my lonesome. Damned Type A. If you saw me, you'd know why this is ridiculous. I'm 100lbs soaking wet. Pretty intimidating! We did a bunch of bike work together, and then hit the weights for some upper body. What was I thinking?



I woke up this morning wondering whose arms had been attached to my body. My pecs are so sore that when I walk down stairs, the weight of my boobs pulling down on the muscles hurts! And don't get me started on getting in and out of my backpack. Yowser.



On the plus side, my knee is on the mend! My physio is working out really well and I've been a very good little patient... doing the endless squats and icing and bending myself into all the weird contortions I've been taught. Hopefully I will be zipping about next week! Good thing I don't need my arms for that though, it might be that long before I can lift them!

Golden Handcuffs

Why oh why is it that everytime I come up with a fun way to spend my stock options, the stock price plummets? I've caught myself in a vicious circle.



1. Have just finished paying off debt, have stock options to vest.

2. See discount flights to Europe, feel itch to travel.

3. Buy said flight tickets, hoping to use vestable options to pay for them (i.e. discount is now more like FREE)

4. Stock price plummets.

5. Put tickets on line of credit to wait for stock price to rise.

6. Stock price never rises. Discount ticket is now paid price, plus interest on line of credit.



GR!



I know the obvious fix for this is to cash the options first and THEN spend the money... but this rarely happens.



Double GR!!!



I think I'm going to treat myself to a nice coffee. I'll just put it on my line of credit.

Solitude

Well it's be a whole two days since Jason left town for Valdez Island. Oh, how I envy him! He packed up his guitar, his painting supplies, a giant cooler of gourmet fixin's and a few bottles of wine to spend a week with the dog in a cabin of a family friend. I like to think of Valdez as "our island" since that is where we finally decided to give "US" a go. That was August long weekend of last year.



So I am left in this house alone, no one to cuddle with or talk to. Sigh. I used to feel weird being in this house by myself, I felt like a bit of an intruder - the villian! That is because this was Jason and Ang's house. Since Ang died, things in this house have changed drastically, few things of hers remain and all of the colors and textures are different. But I can still feel her presence even though I never knew her. Weird, I know. But today it feels like the world has shifted a bit. Although I still feel her here, I'm not struggling to find my own place. My picture fits on the mantle, my photo albums fit on the bookshelf, my quilting table fits in the den. Bella doesn't bark at me when I come home from work, instead I find her on the couch with her tail thumping hello. And of course there is Jason, always waiting with a Solly's cinnamon bun when I've had a bad day, leaving funny messages to me on the computer screensaver or dancing like a robot when he's talking on the phone.



Sometimes I wonder how things would be different if I had known Ang. Sometimes I feel like I know so much about her that I did know her. I'm happy where I am right now, truly. I love the little life Jason and I are carving out together - slowly but surely. No pressure, no timelines. Life never turns out the way you plan it, that much I know from experience. Jason obviously feels the same. Letting go of the reins and letting the cards fall where they may is the way we both approach things these days.



I always get all reflective like this when Jason leaves town. That and I'm injured, so I can't really push things to the back of my brain the way I can when I've got a million things to do, races to train for, etc. I guess it's not so bad to check in once in a while.



I got a raise yesterday, along with a glowing performance appraisal and an assurance that I am being looked at for promotion to senior status over the next year. That made me very happy, of course, but it also makes me reevaluate what I want in the next few years. So many things to consider.



There are too many songs in my MP3 list that have lyrics that directly coincide with my life. Does anyone else ever do that? Listen and think,



"That's exactly how I feel! Man, that Sheryl Crow just seems to GET me!"



ha.