Goodbye Britney Spears

I have this pair of jeans that I call my "Britney Spears Jeans" because they are pretty tight and low-riding. Actually, calling them tight might be a bit of an understatement. When I put them on after they come out of the dryer, I have to hop around the room to get them on, then do a couple of deep knee-bends to put them into proper wearing shape. I'm only 100lbs soaking wet, so these are some pretty small jeans!



Anyhow, my brother calls them my "hooch" jeans. I have other pairs of jeans that are the somewhat similar, since that is all they seem to sell these days, but none quite like the BSJ. I put them on for work yesterday and once I got to work, realized that the pocket in the back had ripped a tiny hole in the material covering my butt cheek. ACK! Unbeknownst to me, I had been parading my butt cheek around all morning! Okay, maybe you really couldn't see it that clearly. But I was a little worried, so I walked around for the rest of the day with my hand over my butt.



Anyhow, it dawned on me that maybe this was a sign. A sign that I should no longer be wearing Britney Spears hoochie clothes... I AM 28 now, after all. Surely I should do away with the little Roxy t-shirts that just cover my belly and the low-riding jeans with the little skater belts?



I don't know much about fashion. I think I need a wardrobe intervention. Jason's sister Andrea is quite a fashionista, she keeps insisting that I need a $400 pair of leather boots made just for me, a pashmina scarf, etc. etc. She wears nice tailored slacks and turtlenecks. I wear little skirts with flip flops. She is a businesswoman. I am a code monkey.



Do I really have to?



All that fashion would require makeup and hairdos too, I think. I like my two minute blow-dry mop and my chapstick makeup regime, it suits my lifestyle. I have nice makeup in matching little black cases from MAC, but it takes up too much room in my back pack and time after teaching a class to bother.



Does growing up really mean I have to stop dressing like a high-school kid? All I know is that, more and more, the functions I attend require more than jeans and a nice sweater and I end up wearing a skirt that I've had for over three years with a schmarmy top.



I think I need a personal shopper.