Attention Naughty Pregnant Ladies

What the hell? Jason and I just returned from grocery shopping and I feel shame.



All the pregnant ladies that I know have glowing skin and bright shiny teeth. They are buff, they paddle dragon boats, they work full days without nodding off and can get out of bed before 7:37am. They eat spinach and couscous salads with chickpeas, alongside some calcium-fortified soy milk.



Me?



I crave Kraft Dinner and chocolate milk. In fact, I just bought exactly that and have a big frothy glass of chocolate milk in front of me as I type this.



I haven't eaten like this since my university days, when I couldn't afford much better. Usually I eat avocados and nuts and all things healthy. Now I eat toast with jam and butter.



Why can't I talk to some naughty pregnant ladies? You know, the ones that eat stacks of natchos for dinner, like I did last night after a round of pitch n' putt with my beer-swilling co-workers. What about the ones that have secret stashes of cinnamon buns (Mmmmm, baby likes cinnamon buns). Baked potatoes slathered in butter and salt - I'm salivating just thinking about it.



Jason tries so hard to stock the fridge with healthy things - bright green and red produce, smoothie ingredients, chicken and fish... Instead this baby is a carb fanatic and is turning me into BreadGirl.



I am taking my vitamins and drinking lots of water. I'm teaching yoga and spin classes. I even count my calcium intake! But the leafy greens are no longer calling my name.



Off to the kitchen to whip up some macaroni and cheese. That bright orange powder is healthy, right? What if I sprinkle protein powder on it? Flax seed oil instead of butter? Screw it. Baby likes KD.